When Ellis describes his story, he calls it “a miracle.”
With a long family history of mental illness, substance abuse and suicide, Ellis says he was “passed the preverbal baton.”
“Without getting too scientific, my brain doesn’t produce enough of the chemical associated with joy,” he explains. “When I was 15 years old, I was locked up in a mental institution. I was diagnosed with clinical psychopathy and depression. I was put on antipsychotics and antidepressants.”
When Ellis got out of the mental institution, it was only a matter of days until he took all of his pills, all at once.
“Not because I wanted to kill myself,” he says. “It was honestly for one reason: I was curious and I had entirely lost the value of human life.”
It was only later that Ellis found out that with the types of medications that he took that logically, he should not have survived
When he was 17, he moved out of his parents’ house and moved back to Kansas.
“All I did was drink, smoke and play video games, if I wasn’t working,” he recalls.
Then one day, he went out to the balcony and knew something wasn’t right. Holding a cigarette in his hand, he began to pray.
“God just take this burden from me; take this away from me; I can’t live like this. And I said, I know these cigarettes are killing me! Just take this out of my hand right now!”
And on that completely clear day, a huge gust of wind blew out of nowhere.
“My first reaction was to clutch on to my cigarette — instantly, instinctively,” Ellis recalls. “That’s when I knew there was a huge inconsistency with the way I viewed everything. I knew I wanted something more, but at the same time, I let my illness define me.”
The only thing Ellis says he could find value in was feeling sorry for himself.
“I realized that every time God would try to make a move, I would clutch on, and that’s when I knew the only way to get out of this was to let God make a move,” he says. “So one day, I made a decision: Just for today, I’m going to let go.”
Looking back, Ellis says it was almost like he was prodding God.
“Then what happened blew my mind … absolutely blew my mind: I found Jesus Christ.”
Now Ellis didn’t just have an explanation for why he was suddenly ok, but he knew the doctor, personally.
“Your value can only come from your purpose and your purpose can only come from your Creator. And when I met Him, I found my purpose. And when I found my purpose, I found my value. And I would never look back. Not for anything.”
I didn't want to kill myself, I was curious and I had entirely lost the value of human life.
God just take this burden from me; take this away from me; I can’t live like this.